hey, thank you sooo much!!! i hate when its just such a small difference in syntax that makes the difference!!! it worked like magic!!! 
venkatu2005:Let me know where you want to hide or disable the Dropdownlist ie: on which page and what the reason to disable..
as for the hiddenfield reason, ok i'll try explaining, hope i don't confuse you.
1. main purpose of the site is for users to communicate to each other privately (messages), without disclosing their email addresses to each other for privacy reasons. so they should be able to pick a username, and then send a message, without seeing/knowing the selected user's email
2. the way i've got the message db table, sql query and page working so far is like this:
subject, message, from(userid), and to(username) are inserted to the table from the page. TO is selected from a dropdownlist of all users. and message gets stored in the table. when the other user logs in, their messages page, does a select where their username is in the to field so only their messages show on the page. ALL THIS IS WORKING FINE.
3. now i just wanted to add an email alert to the "To user" saying they've recieved a new message on the site. which i got working with your help. the email address in the sendbutton_click value is set to dropdownlist1.selectedvalue
- the dropdownlist1 sqlsource, selects username, and useremail address where username = ToUser. (ToUser is teh id of the to user select dropdown)
- to user dropdown is on autopostback, so when that changes, it automatically changes teh value of teh dropdownlist1 to the selected user's email address.
- which gives the value of the to email address for the send mail.
all the above works perfectly, except for teh initial requirement of user email address privacy. as the second dropdownlist1 (with to users email), is visible to the logged in user.
4. i know i could go back and change the messages and compose pages sql queries to use useremail address instead of username, but that is too much sql editing for me, and i got lucky getting it to work the first time.
so i just need a different hidden control on the field that has its own sql source, that gets its value changed everytime a new user is selected in todropdownlist - to be the value of the (select username and useremail where username = todropdown)
hope that makes sense?