I'm floored that no one here has encountered this problem. Anyway - after 3 days struggling i believe i've finally figured it out and will offer my solution:
There seems to be a TON of people having this problem with VS 2005 and SSE 2005, but in all my searches i could not find anyone that had this problem with VWD 2008 and SSE 2008.
The solution was to be sure in VWD in "tools-->options-->database tools-->data connections" the Sql Server Instance name is set to "SQLEXPRESS" (provided you installed the default settings and left it at that name). Once i did this i tried adding a new item and then got the following error:
"Failed to generate a user instance of SQL Server due to a failure in starting the process for the user instance". After searching through some threads i found my solution on this discussion:
http://forums.microsoft.com/msdn/showpost.aspx?postid=293667&siteid=1&sb=0&d=1&at=7&ft=11&tf=0&pageid=1
this discussion is long (71 threads) but on the 2nd page someone suggested deleting the folder:
"Delete C:\Documents and Settings\User Account\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Microsoft SQL Server Data\SQLEXPRESS"
because i'm in VISTA not XP i had to guess the folder was:
"C:\Users\<account name>\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Microsoft SQL Server Data\SQLEXPRESS"
(just in case this was wrong i just renamed the folder)
Anyway - after a restart of visual studio i have been able to successfuly add a new database item. (yay)
Hope this is helpful to others. If so please let me know.
Jason