My only solution to this has been NOT to use a CalendarExtender at all.
Instead, use a PopUpControlExtender with a ASP.net calendar embedded in its own UpdatePanel. Then disable the dates in DayRender event.
Protected Sub Calendar1_DayRender(ByVal sender As Object, ByVal e As System.Web.UI.WebControls.DayRenderEventArgs)
If e.Day.Date < Today Then
e.Day.IsSelectable = False
e.Cell.BackColor = Drawing.Color.LightGray
e.Cell.ForeColor = Drawing.Color.White
End If
End Sub
A lot more work.